MadCast: Kitty Stark

Self Care: Let's Talk About Mental Illness

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Ok, so this is probably going to be rambling and random, but it's something I've been contemplating and something very personal to me. Sorry if this is hard to follow but I'll do my best to keep my thoughts organized. I promise there is a point to it all if you can manage to read it through to the end.

For those of you that don't know me on a very personal level (~98% of you), I have struggled on and off with depression, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and social anxiety since I was about age 10, and I'm now almost 23. Without going into unnecessary detail, these mental illnesses caused such a severe effect on my life that I struggled throughout school and dropped out a few months before high school graduation. I've been on a couple different sleeping aids and antidepressants, spent a week in a psych ward, and have seen a dozen different therapists in that time. Even now, after being in a steady relationship for 5 years with someone who wholeheartedly supports me and calms me down from panic and soothes my anxiety, I struggle on a daily basis. Lately it's taken an extreme effort to get out of bed, to force myself to eat once a day and to not just lay on the floor and cry, to just keep going. 

When I get on to the Discord I feel waves of panic, even as I joke along and confidently chat with everyone. The idea that everyone who listens to me secretly hates me, that I come off as annoying, or that my lack of skill in games frustrates teammates who pity me too much to say anything... cycles through my head. I know I have a few good friends here already, and in some ways that makes it worse. Instead of fearing that they dislike me, I instead tell myself I'm stupid for having social anxiety, and the depression and self-hate increase while my head still has anxiety on a back burner. All of these issues can be suffocating when they snowball like this. I'd be lying if I told you I haven't muted myself to cry for a few minutes in the middle of a game just because someone else yelled about something that wasn't even directed at me.

Why am I sharing this? I guess the main reason is because I know I'm not the only one who suffers like this. I'm not the only one who sits in silence, behind a forced laugh and the distraction of video games, hiding my pain because bothering friends with it seems so much worse. I'm not looking for attention or pity, but rather to spread awareness for the people who are fortunate enough not to have these types of inner demons. I also want to extend a hand, to any of you who have your own demons to fight. I have no room to judge, and I will fiercely listen to you and give you all of my support and advice if that's what you want. It's not easy to struggle with any kind of mental illness, even with the support of loved ones around you. If they haven't had the same struggles, it can be difficult to understand how your mind works and processes emotions. I snap at my husband over nothing, only to turn around and cry and beg him to forgive me while he just sits there wondering what just happened.

 

If you need a safe place to vent without a fear of being judged, if your soul begs to spill out what you're too scared to say, then let it be here. If this is too public or intimidating for you, my PMs are always open on Discord or even my Instagram. If I had the kind of support 6 years ago that I do now, I probably would not have dropped out. If I knew I wasn't alone and had the advice of other people who struggled with the same things, I could have saved myself and my mother a lot of grief and worry. I want to be that support for other people, because by helping others like me I will grow myself and get stronger.

I also happily open the floor to anyone who has been affected, personally or by a loved one, that would like to share their stories. Anyone who would like to comment on the perception of mental illness in modern society or offer a new kind of advice or support system or even a funny video to help us get through the day. I want this thread to be about people who need help, and people who are willing to offer it.

Edited by MadCast: Kitty Stark

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Thank you for this post.

You'll find that most of us are at least a little bit cracked.

I have more than my share of demons and likewise offer an ear for a good rant, cry, or vent.

Above anything else and all games aside, we are a community first.

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3 hours ago, MadCast: Kitty Stark said:

When I get on to the Discord I feel waves of panic, even as I joke along and confidently chat with everyone. The idea that everyone who listens to me secretly hates me, that I come off as annoying, or that my lack of skill in games frustrates teammates who pity me too much to say anything... cycles through my head. I know I have a few good friends here already, and in some ways that makes it worse. Instead of fearing that they dislike me, I instead tell myself I'm stupid for having social anxiety, and the depression and self-hate increase while my head still has anxiety on a back burner. All of these issues can be suffocating when they snowball like this.

Literally me every day. Same exact thing. I also have SEVERELY awful mental illnesses. I'm not afraid to post them here for all to see, well I am, but I'm doing it anyways cuz I feel its important for you not to feel alone as well as the rest of us here that have the same struggles or know family members and friends who have these struggles. I want go into each and every one but I'll announce the major ones. 

 

I have bad adhd and mild add, I have extremely weird OCDs and the oddest things set them off. I have severe bipolar manic depression and severe anxiety. I cant deal with big groups(about 5-7 people max) and If I have to be in discord with a group bigger than that (I.E. funday Monday, and league of learning) I keep myself muted most of the time unless I have my 2 safety net peoples. Thomas(AKA Majorhoward) and then the newer safety net person of mine, Pup. If I have them in the group with me I will unmute myself to talk to them when the chat isnt crazy with people talking to and over one another. xD but for the most part, even with them there, I stay muted. I cant deal with large groups and when people ask me stuff like introducing myself or telling people about myself, my likes and interests, etc, I freeze up, start sweating and wanna leave the chat and go cry. A good example of this was last Monday at the town hall thing. As a candidate, I got asked exactly what I listed above. I DID exactly as I said I would for the most part. I froze up and started sweating bullets and freaked out. I wanted to leave and curl up and cry but I didnt cuz when I said to skip me and dont come back, and explained why, they let me get away with it. But I have no issues with typing to people in a big group. So after that happened, I did my intro thing in the funday Monday chat thing. I just have severe social anxiety along with standard anxiety. So I know exactly how you feel. I'm 24 years old(will be 25 in a month.((Sept 21))) and have crippling physical health issues WITH my crippling mental issues. I got side tracked a bit there but back to the main thing, yeah I have anxieties of all kinds, and then there is the utterly INSANE severe insomnia! Woohoo! I literally will be up between 24-72 hours straight at a time. Unless I take sleep aids. I just get OTC sleep aids from Walmart. But due to my high af tolerance to pretty much ALL medicines(thank you, severe health issues) I have to take quite a but at a time. I will not say how many as it will literally make everyone go "wtf how are you alive still". No exaggeration. Kitty, if you ever need anyone to talk to, dispite we dont know each other like. At all. You are always welcome to PM me. I am one of the friendliest people you will meet. I may get slightly toxic in league and say a bunch of curse words and what not(most peoples league attitudes, amiright? xD) but I really am incredibly nice and understanding. Like.. my ex fiance and I are STILL each others best friends. He talks to me about everything. EVERYTHING. Cuz he knows I'm here for him. I'm here for anyone who needs someone. Because I know how it is to have so much sadness and depression that you just wanna cry till your whole body and soul itself is a great big tear drop. And I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. (If I had one) So I completely understand and I thank you for not deleting this and being so brave to post it. I know it took a whole lot of courage. And I absolutely applauded your spouse for sticking with you and being that rock you need. I know it's not an easy thing to be for people such as us. And i hope that you both continue to support and help out each other and live and love happily for a very long time. You did a wonderful thing posting this! Dont ever think otherwise ^-^ 

 

Sorry for the super duper long post, i just felt that your post, Kitty, was very nice. And very important. And I wanted you to know you're never ever alone. And that I am here if you ever need someone to talk to. And I'm a woman(pretty obvious) so I know it can be easier to talk to a woman you dont know rather than a guy. (Totally NOT being sexist at all, if I offend anyone, I am truly and terribly sorry!) Sometimes it's just easier for a girl to talk and open up to another girl. And it's the same with men. It can most certainly be easier for a man to open up to another man. Depending. 

 

ANYWAYS!!! If you read this all the way through, thank you for reading!

For those who don't wanna read the whole thing,

 

TL;DR- I understand and have severe mental issues myself and I know it's hard, and it's amazing you have a spouse who sticks with you through the good, bad, and the terribly ugly moments 

 

 

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23 minutes ago, MadCast: Baal said:

Above anything else and all games aside, we are a community first.

This is why I really do love this Group and want to become a member so badly. I love the way you guys feel about how and what the group should be and that it is a community to help any and all in it. I just love it.

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I have regular bouts of anxiety and depression.  I didn't react well to anti-depressants, and went through a bad period of self-medication in my mid 20's.  I joined MadCast when I was 27, and having an additional social circle that set boundaries while still giving a damn was instrumental in making me a better person.

I'm confident in stating that without the positive influence MadCast has been on me, I wouldn't be a person worthy marrying.  Tied the knot just under a week ago.

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4 hours ago, MadCast: Munsa said:

I'm confident in stating that without the positive influence MadCast has been on me, I wouldn't be a person worthy marrying.  Tied the knot just under a week ago.

Grats!

I was finally diagnosed with mild to sever general anxiety midway though college. Before we (my doctor and I) knew what was going it it was causing me to fail classes. The struggle can be real.

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My wife struggles with bipolar and general anxiety disorder. She works exceptionally hard to get anything done and generally holds herself short of accomplishment no matter what. It’s constant work, and I appreciate what many of you are going through, though I am mostly outside it. I suffered from some environmental depression almost a decade ago, but for now I’ve long been alright.

 

 MadCast has been a wonderful place to be with people and make connections. That said, if anyone wants to chat about their shit or get a second opinion on something, I’d be happy to help. I haven’t gone through those problems internally, but I’ve experienced them externally, and I want, very much, for you to be successful in your endeavors. Don’t ever feel like you can’t talk to someone or no one cares. By virtue of being here, many care about you. Including myself. Hit me up in any space you feel comfortable, whenever.

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i myself, i have depression and Shell Shock (i refuse to call it PTSD) and being a hermit and hating most people in person, i find alcohol to be my most effective strategy for not shuffling off this damn mortal coil, but aye, as you've seen Kitty, you're not alone in that feeling.

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I've been diagnosed with PTSD. Sometimes I fight whether that's what it really is or what it isn't but I think that's neither here nor there. My attitude is dependant on my day. Bad days  make bad situations, anger, outbursts super easy while good days I'm almost impenetrable. I mostly deal with mine with alcohol as well, pretty sure that's not a secret. 

My biggest weakness is that I treat it like a weakness. Avoid talking about it, making excuses, drowning the existence away instead of dealing with it.  So, definitely not alone in this.

It's one of the reasons I wanted to be a part of Madcast and the absolute favorite part of being in this community. It's therapeutic (most of the time) :P

7 minutes ago, MadCast: majorhoward said:

i myself, i have depression and Shell Shock (i refuse to call it PTSD) and being a hermit and hating most people in person, i find alcohol to be my most effective strategy for not shuffling off this damn mortal coil, but aye, as you've seen Kitty, you're not alone in that feeling.

 

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When i first read this it made me happy not to be alone. Im very thankful for this community even though i havent been here for even a month yet. I been going through a lot myself and im glad i can have people i can be open with. So from the bottom of my heart thx @MadCast: Kitty Stark.

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History: 

I've been playing the viola for 12 years and it was my biggest #1 stress relief. Sure I had performance anxiety like almost any human musician but it was still relieving stress, not adding it. 4 years ago I started attending a small university in South Carolina to become a music teacher. I didn't realize until my first lesson that the stakes were much higher for playing my instrument and for the first 2 years, my playing was not at the level it needed to be. I had a horrible relationship with my viola instructor and I dreaded every lesson. It was very difficult having the biggest stress relief become my biggest stressor and I had nothing to replace it. It finally got so bad I changed my major to elementary education, after all the classes were very easy to me, but it didn't really go away. My 3rd year of college was miserable as an elementary major. It wasn't my calling and I had to switch back. That was a very costly decision (about an extra $8,000 in out of pocket tuition plus about $2,500 in loans for a 5th year of undergraduate) I made when I was overstressed and likely depressed (I was not officially diagnosed but a very good and professional source said it was likely). I've come to the realization that I'm not the best musician in the world but if I dedicate myself to developing the talent I have, I can be better than I was yesterday. I think that can be applied to anything about anyone.

DISCLAIMER: I am willing to talk with anyone about this subject. HOWEVER, I am not a medical professional and the main point I am making here is to seek medical help if it is needed. Be open and honest with your medical expert and trust the treatment that they give.

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11 hours ago, MadCast: Munsa said:

I didn't react well to anti-depressants

Neither did I... i tried like 7 or 8 different ones. Various doses, they all turned me into an extremely hateful person or into a complete and utter zombie. I didn't self medicate or anything. But i was on pain killers for 5 years because if my physical health issues. That was between the ages of 15-20. Once about 5- 5 1/2 years went by though, my doctors just stopped all pain medicine cold Turkey. Which you cannot do to someone who had been taking then so long. They told me they were stopping it cuz I needed to go to a pain management facility. But none of the facilities near me took my insurance. NONE of them.. so where did I end up? The methadone program. I've been there since I was 20 ish. I'm gonna be 25 September 21. But yeah, the methadone helps my pain a whole lot. I'll probably have to remain on it for whatever remainder of my life there is. But I'm not ashamed if that. I just wish my mental health issues weren't so bad. But then again, dont we all.

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Let me just start off with a huge THANK YOU to all of you guys for embracing this thread and being willing to open up with past experiences even though they can be painful. I didn't expect this much of a response and I'm so grateful for this community.

 

On 8/22/2018 at 2:04 AM, temptedangel9306 said:

TL;DR- I understand and have severe mental issues myself and I know it's hard, and it's amazing you have a spouse who sticks with you through the good, bad, and the terribly ugly moments 

I did read your whole post, and don't apologize if it helped you to get all that off your chest. You've got a LOT going on and have been for a long time, so a healthy vent is more than tolerable. I'll keep you in mind if I ever get anxiety spikes while we're playing together.

On 8/22/2018 at 5:18 AM, MadCast: Munsa said:

I have regular bouts of anxiety and depression.  I didn't react well to anti-depressants, and went through a bad period of self-medication in my mid 20's.  I joined MadCast when I was 27, and having an additional social circle that set boundaries while still giving a damn was instrumental in making me a better person.


I'm confident in stating that without the positive influence MadCast has been on me, I wouldn't be a person worthy marrying.  Tied the knot just under a week ago.

Firstly CONGRATS! I heard of your wedding but haven't been able to tell you in person. I'm so happy you've found a partner who makes you feel happy and more self-confident. I have not self-medicated beyond self-harm, so I can't speak for those experiences, but it seems like others here would understand what you went through a lot better if you ever wanted to talk.

On 8/22/2018 at 10:07 AM, MadCast: RacerDelux said:

I was finally diagnosed with mild to sever general anxiety midway though college. Before we (my doctor and I) knew what was going it it was causing me to fail classes. The struggle can be real.

It's not always an easy thing to diagnose because everyone's symptoms can be so different, even though on the inside we have a lot of similar thought processes. Some people get headaches or feel tired all the time, others lose their appetite. Some people start to exercise or work a lot, which doesn't really stand out as odd to anyone observing. On top of that, it's not easy to admit to yourself that your own brain is "broken" somehow, especially when anxiety already makes you feel like you make constant mistakes. I'm glad you are now more self-aware and hopefully on the road to being able to cope.\

On 8/22/2018 at 10:53 AM, MadCast: VoShay said:

My wife struggles with bipolar and general anxiety disorder. She works exceptionally hard to get anything done and generally holds herself short of accomplishment no matter what. It’s constant work, and I appreciate what many of you are going through, though I am mostly outside it. I suffered from some environmental depression almost a decade ago, but for now I’ve long been alright.

 MadCast has been a wonderful place to be with people and make connections. That said, if anyone wants to chat about their shit or get a second opinion on something, I’d be happy to help. I haven’t gone through those problems internally, but I’ve experienced them externally, and I want, very much, for you to be successful in your endeavors. Don’t ever feel like you can’t talk to someone or no one cares. By virtue of being here, many care about you. Including myself. Hit me up in any space you feel comfortable, whenever.

I'd love to talk to you in depth about this sometime for a better perspective on what my husband potentially experiences when I'm at my lower points. Also, thank you so much for being a strong positive force and encouraging others to speak up. I'm awed by how many of you guys instantly offered an ear for ANYONE who needs it.

On 8/22/2018 at 12:40 PM, MadCast: majorhoward said:

i myself, i have depression and Shell Shock (i refuse to call it PTSD) and being a hermit and hating most people in person, i find alcohol to be my most effective strategy for not shuffling off this damn mortal coil, but aye, as you've seen Kitty, you're not alone in that feeling.

I really can't relate to the Shell Shock unfortunately, but feeling like you hate a majority of people in real life is extremely understandable, haha. I know everyone here jokes about your drinking but I do hope at the very least that you're not killing yourself with it because I really enjoy your company :)
 

 

On 8/22/2018 at 12:48 PM, MadCast: Usefully Useless said:

I've been diagnosed with PTSD. Sometimes I fight whether that's what it really is or what it isn't but I think that's neither here nor there. My attitude is dependant on my day. Bad days  make bad situations, anger, outbursts super easy while good days I'm almost impenetrable. I mostly deal with mine with alcohol as well, pretty sure that's not a secret. 

My biggest weakness is that I treat it like a weakness. Avoid talking about it, making excuses, drowning the existence away instead of dealing with it.  So, definitely not alone in this.

Don't feel like you're the only one who wants to deny having anything "wrong" with you or your mind. It's one of the biggest problems with our current society, and a major motivator to me making this post in the hopes of making everyone here more comfortable with opening up if they want to talk about things. Obviously no one will force you to talk, but just know that I'm not judging you and that I'll always be willing to listen.

On 8/22/2018 at 10:39 PM, MadCast: Icarus said:

History: 

I've been playing the viola for 12 years and it was my biggest #1 stress relief. Sure I had performance anxiety like almost any human musician but it was still relieving stress, not adding it. 4 years ago I started attending a small university in South Carolina to become a music teacher. I didn't realize until my first lesson that the stakes were much higher for playing my instrument and for the first 2 years, my playing was not at the level it needed to be. I had a horrible relationship with my viola instructor and I dreaded every lesson. It was very difficult having the biggest stress relief become my biggest stressor and I had nothing to replace it. It finally got so bad I changed my major to elementary education, after all the classes were very easy to me, but it didn't really go away. My 3rd year of college was miserable as an elementary major. It wasn't my calling and I had to switch back. That was a very costly decision (about an extra $8,000 in out of pocket tuition plus about $2,500 in loans for a 5th year of undergraduate) I made when I was overstressed and likely depressed (I was not officially diagnosed but a very good and professional source said it was likely). I've come to the realization that I'm not the best musician in the world but if I dedicate myself to developing the talent I have, I can be better than I was yesterday. I think that can be applied to anything about anyone.

I've been playing the flute for almost 13 years now and I completely relate to you feeling confident and then abruptly getting thrown into a much higher skill-level group of musicians where you suddenly feel like a child among adults. In every academic aspect of school I have always had an uncommon ease with learning new things and having a strong memory which meant I never really studied. However, in the case of playing an instrument that meant I was only ever as good as my classes, instead of working more beyond them to get faster or have more efficient breathing etc. I got cocky and applied for the regional all-star band and got the very bottom seat in the woodwind section because I couldn't sight-read such challenging music. It was humbling to say the least. I also have lost several hundreds of dollars making rash or uneducated decisions with the simple hopes of things "getting easier" but it is a good learning experience if nothing else. I'd love to hear you play, I always wished I could learn a violin or viola but no one in the area teaches it and my school is too small to have an orchestra.

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2 hours ago, MadCast: Kitty Stark said:

I have not self-medicated beyond self-harm, so I can't speak for those experiences, but it seems like others here would understand what you went through a lot better if you ever wanted to talk.

I have thankfully reached the point where I control my demons, not the other way around.  Honestly, I treat it like having a debuff or a buff.  Some days I'm happy and chipper and able to take on all challenges.  Those are the buff days.  The debuff days I know my limits and recognize that my debuff is no one else's responsibility but my own.  Sometimes it's a simple as keeping a mantra of focus in my head, some days it means I need to accomplish what I can and not push myself further into the pit.

I also cannot stress enough the healing power of some good old manual labor and craftsmanship.  Being able to take raw materials and, via your own skill and effort, turn them into something with value to yourself and others, is as universal and critical a human experience as sex and death.

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I'm glad to see so many people feel comfortable discussing their experience with mental health issues, either personally or with others they care about. Unfortunately, our society does a bad job having conversations about it, especially considering how ubiquitous it is. 

I won't go into detail about any of my own challenges, but I was interested in talking about that self-care portion of the thread title. Over the years I have developed my own coping techniques. I think a lot of advice I read online or in books wasn't very helpful to me when I first started trying to figure out how to better take care of myself. What I've learned is that broad generalities simultaneously make advice correct and unhelpful (i.e. 'communication is the key to a good relationship'). Here are some things that might be helpful if you are trying to figure out specific things that work for you:

During college I was very physically ill and dealing with chronic pain. One of the things my aunt encouraged me to do was to keep a daily journal rating how I bad my pain was in different parts of my body, my tiredness, my alertness, etc on a 1-10 scale. This had the combined affect of making me more mindful and giving me a way to measure patterns and make associations between my activities and symptoms. I now track other things like my weight, resting heart rate, time asleep, steps, etc. I've been able to see how changes I make to my lifestyle affect me physically and mentally, and I'm a lot better at taking preemptive care of myself. I'd encourage everyone to explore this concept of tracking some aspect of your health on a daily basis. 

Triggers and repetition are powerful. Use them to your advantage. I tend to use particular songs or playlists as a mental trigger for different activities. I will play the same song on repeat for hours! For example, I use the exact same song now for meditating that I used 8 years ago (Sea & Silence - Deuter). It is really easy for me to drop my heart rate as soon as it starts playing. I also noticed that smell can have a big affect on my mood (certain smells make me feel happy or calm or energetic, etc), so I try to choose accordingly with perfume, candles, lotions, shampoo, etc.

Finally, early on I made a mistake of trying to follow general audience advice that I knew would not work for me. For example, I weigh myself twice daily and do not count calories. Most advice suggests I do the opposite, but it does not work for me. Conventional wisdom is worth considering, but if you know it doesn't work for you, it's okay. Nothing is wrong with you; you don't need to try to force yourself to do something just because it's the recommended approach. Everyone is different. 

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21 hours ago, MadCast: Kitty Stark said:

 

I really can't relate to the Shell Shock unfortunately, but feeling like you hate a majority of people in real life is extremely understandable, haha. I know everyone here jokes about your drinking but I do hope at the very least that you're not killing yourself with it because I really enjoy your company 

Nah, that's just Thomas. XD 

(He better not be doing it to kill himself cuz then I'll kill him. You hear that Thomas?? I will hunt you down and beat you up! ^~^ I enjoy his company very much too. I see him as a very dear friend.)

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23 hours ago, MadCast: Kitty Stark said:

I really can't relate to the Shell Shock unfortunately, but feeling like you hate a majority of people in real life is extremely understandable, haha. I know everyone here jokes about your drinking but I do hope at the very least that you're not killing yourself with it because I really enjoy your company :)

Well, i'm having a go of killing myself by liver failure by the time i'm 60, but not before that, before that, lets just call it self medication.

 

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Damn right. And yeah imma have kidney and liver failure by the time I'm like. 40-50 because of all the medications. Luckily I got all my drinking out of me within 2 years when I was 19-21. Well. A bit before i turned 21 I stopped. So maybe a year and a half or so. But medicines are what will shut my shit down if in still here by then. Huzzah for major health issues! xD (seriously doesn't bug me anymore. I've lived enough for a lifetime honestly. I might have a short one but I've done a good bit with it) 

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I am un-measurably glad that you made this post. I have talked 3 dear friends out of suicide, helped my both my sisters out of their own phases of extreme depression, and now I have insane mental images of my abusive (probably bipolar) father. I get visions, sometime in the middle of the day, of him yelling screaming, choking one of my family members (which happened (they aren't dead) ). I have issues with my religion, philosophy, and with my family in general. I'm never comfortable with talking about my feelings, and I always try to act "Vulcan", meaning I never show any emotion and always look at things objectively. So I never found a vent, until recently. I began boxing. There's something about the feeling that I get when I get hit and hit back, like all my stress releases. My self-esteem and confidence has grown, and I am just a happier person in general. I am not trying to brag, I am trying to give advice. Find a vent, for me, talking was only a hyper-temporary solution, but if you need someone to talk to, just know that there are people here in this amazing server and community that want to hear, including me. Now, ik that I am repeating a lot of what Kitty had said, but its true. Plz DM someone here if u need to. Also, if you need a friend, like a friend friend, someone to talk about how shit life is or how something happened in your family, and just want someone to listen, not comment on your issue...I'm here :)

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6 hours ago, Al Shifra said:

So I never found a vent, until recently. I began boxing. There's something about the feeling that I get when I get hit and hit back, like all my stress releases.

I have also found boxing/full contact fighting to be a great release, but it can also turn into something of a trap. If hitting things or people is the only outlet you have, adding any additional stressors can get you into trouble. Luckily I grew up in a time/place where getting into a fight wasn't immediately met with assault charges, but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore most places.

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I think all of this is extremely helpful and a great a avenue for discussion, especially in the wake of what happened in Jacksonville yesterday.

I don't have a story to add, but I am always available for someone to talk to. If anyone needs a sounding board or anything at all, please feel free to contact me. I don't know many of you well as I am new to the community but I hope that we can build some healthy and beneficial relationships.

Thank you to all of those that have been open in sharing. 

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10 hours ago, MadCast: Baal said:

I have also found boxing/full contact fighting to be a great release, but it can also turn into something of a trap. If hitting things or people is the only outlet you have, adding any additional stressors can get you into trouble. Luckily I grew up in a time/place where getting into a fight wasn't immediately met with assault charges, but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore most places.

You are absolutely right, however, I have been raised as "the nerdy kid who is a goody 2 shoes to his teachers". Which is sort of true. What I mean by that quote is that I have been raised to learn self control and respect of others, thus basically insuring me that I have enough control over myself not to go around hitting everyone that pisses me off.

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I don't box, but I have a firing range that i find is a great outlet for myself, especially black powder weapons, there is something so very tactile and relieving i find in black powder weapons. 

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