AP Fatalism

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About AP Fatalism

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  • Birthday 11/16/1995

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  • Biography
    Just a guurrrlll with aspirations for the video game industry in the future. One step at a time.
  • Interests
    PC, PS3, Chillin' with buddies~
  • LoL Name
    MadCast AP Fatal
  • PlayStation Network

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  1. Hi guys. o/ That’s a person waving. - Maybe there’s a few of you out there who actually remember that one AFK chick in TeamSpeak. There’s a lot of new faces around here and I’m really happy to see that MadCast is still going full force. Not that I expected any less. ( ^ - ^ “) But really… I’ve thought about this for a while now and I still don’t know how to start this properly. I want to apologize for abandoning the people I referred to as my second family and my responsibilities as an FM, but I feel as though that wouldn’t be enough. MadCast was the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me online, and while there really shouldn’t be, the reason why I disappeared wasn’t because I was displeased with the community. The guilt over leaving a place that has treated me so well without a word recently hit me with full force now that my life is being brought back together. Even if I wasn’t as close to some members here compared to others and even if it won’t suffice, I apologize for leaving the responsibilities I swore to uphold when I became an FM. You can stop reading here if you don't want to dive into the QQ river. - The last month I was active here, I fell to a dangerously dark part in my personal life. I’d lost one of my closest friends just a few weeks before my birthday. I wasn’t at my best while playing with the LoL ranked team Jazzle created and I was declining in-game invites for what I felt like was a legitimate reason; I wasn’t in the mood to play with anybody at the time because I felt like I would just brood and ruin the fun for everyone. I felt no need to tell anyone or leave an absence note because I thought I would feel better after a while. I didn’t. My 1st year into college was going well, I wasn’t struggling financially thanks to my scholarships and I made new friends in a new environment. I still have one BFFL left from highschool that I would trust my life with besides my family and even though we’re miles apart due to college, we facebook message each other regularly. I turned eighteen just before I went dead on this site, but I didn’t do anything special. I appreciated the birthday wishes and I was supposed to be excited, but I wasn’t. I was supposed to be happy with how my life is, but I wasn’t. I played a bunch of ARAMs by myself to kill away leisure time until I eventually grew bored of LoL all together. Seriously, I could go on for another hour but this post is long enough. To put it in simpler terms, everything I did in my daily life felt robotic and empty. I kept telling myself that I’ve moved on from her, but really I wasn’t. I didn’t cry or anything, just felt…bitter. Unsatisfied with everything. Like 1/4 of the reason why I enjoyed life was taken away from me in a heartbeat, and I consider that a huge amount. Even though I’m doing a lot better now, I still wonder why it had to be her. I’m grateful for still having one remaining bestie in my life since he was the one who drove eight hours back to the bay area on a semester weekend to help me out. I never asked him to, but he knew me well enough to know when something’s up. I read the messages he sent me on facebook, but I neglected to reply to them for several days which turned into several weeks so I guess his spider senses tingled. Bless him really…My silence is an incredibly bad habit that he picked up right off the bat, and ironically enough that was how I unintentionally vanished from here. Ugh…T_T But on the brighter side, all is good. Now that my life is a lot healthier emotionally, I’m here writing this out for you all. It’s the least I could for leaving without a word, and to let you know that I haven’t forgotten this place at all. Now that I look back, I guess I just needed to leave (in the most unfashionable way ever) to clear my head and find myself again. I admit that I hesitated a bit before writing this. I kept telling myself that I shouldn’t bother since I was sure no one would really want to read a sob story of why an unimpressionable member disappeared, but I felt like it was the right thing to do. So if you made it this far, you get a person giving you a high five. o/ I do miss playing norms and ARAMS with the old folks, Munsa’s hilariously loud voice, LT’s lemons to Disma’s limes (OTP), being moved from the AFK channel to another channel so suddenly, trying to convince Jobo to go home, and Epic saying I gifted him a skin out of nowhere when CLEARLY he knew it was his birthday at the time and that was the reason why I gave it to him...AHEM… I would love to jump in and be a recruit again alongside the growing numbers, but I won’t be reapplying. Even though I’m doing better now, I don’t feel like I’m prepared to commit again and I haven't been too interested in forum venturing that much anymore. Maybe in the future, but not at the moment. I’ll still donate to you guys whenever I can though. On an end note, I also rediscovered my interest general gaming, one being LoL. I dumped the “AP Fatal” account and am on a “smurf” a club member of mine doesn’t use anymore. If you’d like, you can re-add me at “Aznpursuazn.” I’m taking the summer semester so I’m not as frequent as I was before, but it’d be really nice to play with you folks again. I still remember FMs take priorities, so you guys do what you need to do. =] I can dust off TeamSpeak if I need to, but my earbud mic thingamajig finally gave in and I’m back to typing for now. Oh and I still can't believe Tort has that avatar. I have seen Buddha. Sorry for the lengthy post. I tried to make this as short as possible. Thanks for taking the time to read this! -AP
  2. I'm withdrawing my entry. Just way too busy with life right now. Best of luck to all participants!
  3. My campus is (unfortunately) situated right next to a freeway connecting to San Francisco, so I'm used to getting stuck in traffic for a bearable 5 minutes on the way home. Yesterday was just the worst though, and I had to run a few errands too. It was one of those days where my classes sadly ended at around the time traffic becomes very apparent. On my way to the art supply store = should be a short 10 minute drive - - > turned into 25 minutes. On my to get something to eat = shouldn't even take any longer than 5 minutes - - -> took an eternity so I ended up pulling into the closest Starbucks and getting something cheap. On my way to downtown San Jose to drop off a book (just one book...) for a friend - - > it was around 6:00pm by then and downtown at 6:00pm = a living nightmare. Greatest friend NA. I got home at around 8:30. I'm pretty sure I went through my entire iPod. Oh, and I encountered at least 4-5 people who don't like to turn on their signals when they're about to change lanes in heavy traffic. Life is a highwaayyy~ QQ
  4. Will you ever tell LT you love him? Any favorite bands/musicians? Has anyone ever assumed you were older than you sounded? I sure thought you'd be older than 20. No offense Are you looking forward to any game releases on the consoles?
  5. I love you both for putting in the effort to make this. Looking forward to seeing more!
  6. Hippopotamus. Hippopotamus turkey. Hippopotamus.
  7. It is really late Too tired to answer sanely Hippopotamus